Reg McCutcheon did not need anyone to tell him he had a problem. As a trained trauma therapist, he recognized the signs all too well. Quick to anger, Reg was struggling to adapt to a new blended family and common civilian woes such as getting cut off while driving.鈥
What he needed was someone who could help. But that proved harder to identify.鈥
A retired lieutenant colonel who served with the Air Force for 34 years, Reg had trouble finding a therapist with military, veteran and trauma experience. Sessions with the therapist he did get in Indianapolis 鈥 two hours away from Reg鈥檚 home in Southern Indiana 鈥 were relegated to phone calls. Options were limited.鈥
鈥淵ou鈥檙e not going to get a treatment plan without having some addiction problems, and I didn鈥檛 have any addiction problems, just an anger problem,鈥 Reg said.鈥
Then, he had an epiphany. More than once, Reg had called RUSH to refer clients to the Road Home Program. So, he picked up the phone again.鈥
鈥淭hat鈥檚 when I called for me instead of someone else,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淚 think the first step鈥檚 knowing you need help and acknowledging the struggle.鈥濃 鈥
Hard to shake
Reg鈥檚 time with the military was much different than he expected. After he spent nearly two decades in the Air Force, the 9/11 attacks changed his trajectory. The military needed people, so he stuck around. In 2011, he went to Afghanistan with the expectation that he would be doing intel work.鈥
Instead, he found himself doing breaching system and logistics work for NATO, running special projects for a two-star general. That meant dealing with the experiences of combat 鈥 something 鈥減retty unavoidable in the long run, especially if you鈥檙e out in the field every day,鈥 Reg said.鈥
He lost a friend on the fourth day there and more as the conflict continued.鈥
鈥淭here鈥檚 consequence,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淚n Afghanistan, you鈥檙e always on edge.鈥濃
That feeling is hard to shake after coming home. When Reg was in armored vehicles in Afghanistan, the modus operandi was to never stop between Points A and B. Driving as a civilian back home was a different beast.鈥
鈥淚 found myself having a lot of road rage,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淧eople would run over you to get into McDonald鈥檚.鈥濃 鈥
'I just got to the point where I was angry all the time鈥
As a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, Reg also found himself absorbing the issues of the clients he counseled in ways he knew he shouldn鈥檛.鈥
鈥淚 probably owned a little bit more of that than I should have,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淚鈥檓 the solution guy. I鈥檓 the Shell Answer Man for a lot of people. And I didn鈥檛 have the answers for me.鈥濃
Reg鈥檚 challenges also started to take a toll on his home life. He had always been a planner with well-defined expectations. His children knew that well. But Reg had a tough time navigating a new dynamic when his wife, Shana, introduced her six children into their large, blended family. He would get angry about things like a phone charger disappearing.鈥
鈥淚 found myself being very intolerant sometimes to what most people could just pass aside,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淚 just got to the point where I was angry all the time.鈥濃
Reg and Shana married roughly three years ago, after Reg retired from service. Shana did not have a military background. She was new to that world where, as an officer, Reg was used to being in charge 鈥 the 鈥渨hen he says jump, we say how high鈥 mentality, Shana recalled.鈥
鈥淚n his world, that鈥檚 normal,鈥 Shana said. 鈥淏ut that was not normal for us.鈥濃
He spent several months often angry, Shana said. A few immediate family deaths in the span of two months only added triggers. Though, at the time Shana did not completely recognize the signs of his struggle.鈥
鈥淚 believe he was in a little bit of a controlled atmosphere before, so he couldn鈥檛 really speak to what he was really feeling,鈥 Shana said. 鈥淚 was working hard to allow him to do that. He鈥檚 never had that before.鈥濃 鈥
Following the Road Home鈥
Through the Road Home鈥檚 , or IOP, Reg came to Chicago and worked with psychologist twice a day for two weeks in August 2022. Reg, 60, committed to the process as client, rather than as therapist, and promised to work his tail off.鈥
鈥淛on is amazing,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淗e knew how to handle me. We had some pretty freeing conversations about anger and how it was manifesting itself.鈥濃
Reg also got on the phone each day with Shana to go over his notes. That included things related to their relationship, sticking points and triggers for him.鈥
鈥淚t鈥檚 my work, but I brought her in alongside, and she challenged me in a healthy way,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淲e had to be a team in the process.鈥濃
Road Home welcomes the partners of clients to join video chats for portions of the IOP. That dynamic is critical, Reg said. Families need to understand the challenges of post-traumatic stress disorder to be part of the healing journey.鈥
鈥淢ost people don鈥檛 understand,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淔amilies are desperate for something, but they, too, are suffering their own trauma. The person that came home from combat is not the same person who left for combat. It鈥檚 a bell you can鈥檛 unring.鈥
Shana was thankful Reg included her in the process.鈥
鈥淚t鈥檚 not just his problem,鈥 Shana said. 鈥淵es, he needs to deal with it, but it鈥檚 going to affect the whole entire family. We walked away from our experience at Road Home with lots of desire to find ways to incorporate the family.鈥濃 鈥
Lessons learned鈥
When Reg enlisted in the Air Force in 1980, he filled out what the branch called a 鈥渄ream sheet.鈥 He wanted to be a counselor/therapist. After going to Afghanistan, he saw his dream as more of a necessity.鈥
鈥淔rom that point on, I knew that I had to fulfill that,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淚 saw what was going on and just felt like I needed to be part of the solution.鈥濃
Reg earned a bachelor鈥檚 and multiple master鈥檚 degrees en route to running a nonprofit counseling practice that treats others with trauma, grief and other mental health conditions.鈥疕is experience at the Road Home Program helped him hone his interaction process with his own clients. They still have his number for anything pressing. But instead of trying to take on every problem in 20 minutes flat, as he used to do, Reg tries to schedule things in a way that gives everyone a chance to think.
Reg鈥檚 personal experience with the IOP also reinforced just how important the Road Home Program is to veterans 鈥 especially because the program takes any vet, regardless of discharge status.鈥
鈥淪o many programs, you have to have an honorable discharge or a general discharge,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淭here鈥檚 lot of vets out there who have been dishonorably discharged, who didn鈥檛 deserve it, because they had PTSD.鈥濃
Reg has worked with plenty of veterans who were charged with a DUI or got into a fight and then were kicked out of the military.鈥
鈥淗ad they treated their trauma, they would have got back in good graces or a good cycle,鈥 he said.鈥
Instead, they ended up feeling desperate, let down, betrayed.鈥
鈥淩oad Home never lets you feel that,鈥 Reg said.鈥 鈥
Far from finished鈥
Reg did not leave the Road Home Program perfect. Together, he and Shana continue the work to create something stable for their family.鈥
鈥淲e鈥檙e not after perfect,鈥 Shana said. 鈥淲e鈥檙e after better and healthy.鈥濃
Now they have the tools they need to address issues as they arise 鈥 to recognize the signs, de-escalate and communicate.鈥
鈥淚鈥檓 very open and vulnerable with it,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淚t doesn鈥檛 mean I go in a corner and cry; I just have better coping skills. There still are, and there will always be, things that we get stuck on. That doesn鈥檛 mean it鈥檚 terminal. It just means we then have to buckle down and figure it out.鈥濃
He also learned some important lessons about how to enjoy life at the retreat he and his family have built together.鈥
鈥淚鈥檝e been a pretty hard-charger all my life,鈥 Reg said. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 have to be a hard-charger day-to-day. I don鈥檛 have to solve everything.鈥
To learn more about supporting the Road Home Program鈥檚 work to provide mental health care at no cost to veterans, active-duty service members and families, please contact Michelle Boardman, senior director of development, at michelle_a_boardman@rush.edu or (312) 942-6884. You may also to fuel services and innovation at the Road Home Program.
